Beyond Memory
by XenaGabbi
Summary: Is Friendship really stronger than anything?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
><strong>**The Way Of The Warrior**

****_"That was the one time that my army was responsible  
>for the death of women and children."<br>Xena, "Callisto" _

She opened her blue eyes and saw the green grass through the hole of her tent. She raised her head and looked around, just to see that she was in this tent, lying on something that was supposed to be used as a bed, then she turned around and saw that Borias was sleeping next to her. She stared at him for a few seconds, wondering what was she doing and then got up.  
>A few meters away she could find her armor. She walked to it, and while putting it on, she heard a voice:<br>- I love you, Xena. – It was Borias. He had woken up and was now lying in bed, looking at Xena.  
>- Won't you give up, already? – She replied with anger in her voice, while getting dressed.<br>- Give up what? – Borias asked. He knew what she was talking about and obviously no, he wasn't going to give up that easily.  
>- You know, this whole love thing you're talking about… it's useless and you know it.<br>- No, Xena, I won't give up on us.  
>-There is no "us", Borias. I already told you that. How many times do I have to repeat it? – She said and got out of the tent. Outside was a sunny day. She looked around and said with an evil smile:<br>- Ah, what a wonderful day to take over the world.  
>Suddenly she saw someone running to her. When he got closer to her, she recognized his armor – he was one of her soldiers.<br>-Xena! Xena! – He shouted.  
>-What? – She said angrily to him, when he got to her.<br>- The others have returned. They've succeeded in taking over the last village, without leaving even one alive villager, not even a woman or a child.  
>-Great! – Xena heard a voice from behind. It was Borias again.<br>-No! It's not great! – She said angrily when she turned to him, but then she headed to an unknown to him direction.  
>-Where are you going? – He said, following her.<br>- To talk to Dagnine and explain once again to him that killing everyone isn't the way to take over the world. – She shouted while walking to Dagnine. When she got to him, she punched him and he fell on the grass.  
>- Didn't I tell you not to kill women and children? – She shouted angrily to him.<br>-Calm down, Xena. – Borias said from behind. – Why do you care about those people? You don't even know them!  
>- Oh, alright, I'll close my eyes again, but this is the last time. Do you hear me, Dagnine? The last time! – She spoke to him while he was getting up. Then she just got back to her tent.<br>- That was one good punch. – She heard a voice, while looking at herself in the mirror, but couldn't see anyone around. Still, she could recognize the voice.  
>-Ares. – She said with a low voice and he showed up.<br>- Yeah, I guess that's me. – He said with his usual ironic voice.  
>- What do you want? – She said and looked at him.<br>- I just wanted to congratulate you about the progress. – He said and made a few steps to her.  
>- I still have some problems with Dagnine, but that doesn't make my army less powerful, so soon we'll take over Rome.<br>-I thought you wanted the whole world.  
>-Rome at first place. If I take over Rome, the rest would be a lot easier.<br>-And this is the only reason you want to take over Rome?  
>- Should there be another reason? – She asked with a smile.<br>- Hmm, is there…or better say…isn't there?  
>-What are you saying?<br>- Come on; don't tell me Caesar's not involved.  
>- I have the right to want revenge; after all he did to me.<br>-Yes, you do, so keep things going.  
>- I will, don't worry. – She said to him, looked to the right, then to the left and continued – Now go, before Borias comes and sees you. I don't want any fights.<br>- That fool Borias…  
>-He is so naïve with his pathetic talking about love…<br>- I understand him, after all I know how he feels. – He said at put a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and he kissed her. Suddenly she heard steps.  
>-Someone's coming! – She whispered and he disappeared. A few seconds after, Borias came in.<br>-Who were you talking to? – He asked.  
>- Nobody. – Xena said a bit worried.<br>- I thought I heard voices. – Borias said suspiciously.  
>-It was probably the wind.<br>-Are you sure?  
>-Borias, do you see anyone else here, except me and you? – She asked angrily.<br>-No…  
>-Then who could I be talking to? Myself? No, Borias, I'm not crazy.<br>-Don't get angry, I believe you. Now come, we need to see which our next target is.  
>They both got out of the tent and entered another one, where Dagnine and two others were surrounding a table. On the table there was a map. Xena and Borias got closer to the map and took a good look at it. After a few seconds Xena pointed something on the map and said:<br>- Tomorrow we're going to attack here. Dagnine, you'll lead the army and remember, don't kill any women or children.  
>-Xena… - Dagnine was trying to say something, but Xena interrupted him.<br>-No! I don't want to listen. I command this army and you'll all do as I say.  
>-Well, if that's what you want, I'll try not to kill everyone.<br>-Good! Xena said and walked out of the tent. She headed to an unknown direction and got back when it was already dark. Borias was waiting for her outside her tent.  
>-Where were you? - He asked her angrily.<br>- I'll go wherever I want to and I'm not required to inform you or give you any explanations. – She said and entered her tent.  
>-Why are you so cold? – Borias asked her, following her into the tent.<br>- And what do you expect? I'm a warrior!  
>- Warriors also have feelings, Xena.<br>- I know you have feeling for me, Borias, but that doesn't mean that I have feelings for you, or anyone else on Earth and you've got to accept that.  
>Borias was staring at her speechlessly. He knew she was right, but he couldn't give up on her. He really loved her, even though she didn't give a damn about that. Still, he kept hoping that this cold and cruel woman had a heart and feelings somewhere, deep inside of her.<br>So, he just left her tent without saying anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2****  
><strong>**Remembering**

"_Every night I see it happen__. __  
><em>_Every morning I wish it was a dream."_  
><em>Gabrielle, "The Quest"<em>

It was a month ago since her last sleepless night, a month ago since the last nightmares and she felt she was free of all this. Yes, she really thought she was free; she had even managed to forget about all these things, until this morning, when she woke up and her first though was about her nightmares. She realized that in this past month without them, she had become colder and even more evil and ambitious. What she couldn't understand was why and what did all of these nightmares mean. Did they mean anything at all? Or was there something she didn't know. But if they didn't mean anything, than why were they haunting her every night? And why were there always the same people? Did she know them? No, she didn't. But still, there wasn't an explanation. Too many questions, but no answers. That's why she decided to leave all this in the past, as it didn't matter, so she just stared at the ceiling, with an empty look and mind, when Borias came in.  
>-Good morning, Xena. – He said to her.<br>-What is it? – She said, while getting up.  
>-We're ready to attack the next village. Dagnine is waiting for your orders outside.<br>-I'm coming. – She said and started to get dressed. After a minute or two she was out, walking to Dagnine.  
>-Xena, we are ready to attack. – Dagnine said when he saw that she was there.<br>-Then go. – She said and Dagnine got on his horse. He rode to the other warriors, gave them some orders and they all left.  
>-Why didn't you go with them? – Borias asked.<br>-I'm saving my energy for more important things. – She replied.  
>- Like what? – Borias asked interested.<br>-Like taking over Rome, for example. – She answered with an evil smile and got back to her tent.

It was a rainy day. Xena and Borias were in the tent. Xena's blue eyes were staring at the rain, while Borias was saying something (probably concerning his feelings for her), but she wasn't listening. She just stayed there, watching the raindrops fall on the grass, until she heard something.  
>-What is it? – Borias had sensed her reaction to the noise.<br>-I think they're coming back. – She answered.  
>-Who? Dagnine?<br>-I think so. – She said and got out of the tent to see that she was right. The army was a few meters away and Dagnine was walking straight to her.  
>- Mission is complete. – He said to her and smiled.<br>-Good. Tell me how it went. – She said and they started walking towards the rest of the army.  
>-Well, we didn't kill anyone – when we arrived, there was no one, except those three. – He said and pointed to three tied up people, who were guarded by two of the warriors. – The other villagers probably expected us, so they got away before we came. We found those three and we thought we better bring them to you, so you decide what to do with them.<br>-Good, very good, Dagnine. – She said and approached the three villagers. They were two men and a woman. Xena took a good look at all of them. The two men looked as usual villagers, but there was something strange in the woman, something Xena could notice, but couldn't understand. She decided to ask all of them some questions, but what interested her was the woman. – What is your name? – She asked the first man.  
>-My name is Mirus. – He said.<br>-So, tell me everything. Why did everybody leave, why did you stay? – She asked the man.  
>-Your army was attacking all villages nearby and we supposed we were next, so everybody ran away, but I and my brother decided to stay and fight for our land.<br>- Against a whole army. Very brave…and foolish. – She said and then turned to their guards. – Take those two somewhere far and kill them.  
>- Right. – The guards said and took the two men away as they were crying for mercy. Now only the woman was left. That strange young woman. Actually she was about Xena's age; she had big green eyes and long black hair. Xena looked into her eyes and all she could see was goodness and purity.<br>-And you? What's your name? – Xena asked the woman. The woman remained silent. – Well? – Xena waited for a reply, but when there wasn't any, she slapped the woman. – Aren't you going to talk? – She shouted.  
>-Not yet. – The woman spoke quietly.<br>-Not yet? And why not? – Xena asked with ironic and in the same time angry voice.  
>- Not until the time comes. – The woman said.<br>- And when will that be? – Xena asked with the same voice.  
>-Soon. – The woman replied and Xena laughed.<br>-Take this crazy woman and tie her up in the tent where the weapons are. – She ordered.  
>- Why didn't you kill her right away, like you did with the others? – Borias, who was there and saw everything, asked.<br>-I'm wondering what the reason she stayed at the village is. – Xena replied and went to her tent. When she entered, she felt presence.  
>-Ares? – She asked.<br>-Yeah, it's me. – He said and showed up behind her back.  
>-What do you want? – She asked him and turned to him.<br>- That woman… - He started.  
>- What about her?<br>-Come on, you know. I know you can feel it. There's something strange in her. She's not just an ordinary villager.  
>- That's why I didn't kill her. I want to find out who she is, why she stayed, why she didn't want to talk right away…<br>-Trust me, Xena. You better kill her.  
>-Why?<br>- Let's just say I think she could be dangerous for you.  
>-What is it that you're hiding from me? Who is she?<br>- I told you. I don't know. – He said a bit loudly, but then he got closer to her and put his arms on her shoulders. – I 'm just trying to protect you. – He whispered and kissed her. As they were kissing, someone entered the tent. It was Borias. He stayed there silently, but Xena noticed someone was there, so she pushed herself away from Ares and saw him. Everyone remained silent for a moment. Borias was looking at Xena, she was looking at him, then she looked at Ares, who looked at her and disappeared. There was another moment of silence and the Borias finally spoke:  
>- H-how could you? – He said quietly. She could feel the pain in his voice.<br>- I did nothing wrong, Borias. – She said calmly.  
>-You…you cheated on me! – He shouted.<br>-I didn't – I never said there wasn't anyone else, did I? – She said. He took a deep breath and looked away. – Borias, how many times do I have to tell you, that there's nothing between me and you? – She said and he just walked away. He had nothing to say to her. He knew she was right, he had always known that, but he couldn't let her go and he couldn't make her love him either. What she didn't know was that if there was anybody on Earth, who really cared about her in that moment, it was no other than him. But she just kept breaking his heart, sometimes he even thought she was doing it intentionally. The truth was she only wanted to make him stop talking about love. She didn't care if he really loved her or not – she didn't care about love at all. He knew she didn't give a damn about love, he knew she never knew what love was or how to love, but he always hoped he could change her. Today he felt like giving up. That day he realized that he couldn't make an ice-cold woman love him, or anyone else. It was useless.  
>Xena stayed in her tent. She didn't feel any guilt for hurting Borias. Actually she didn't feel anything. Soon Ares showed up again.<br>- Borias might cause problems. – He said.  
>-No, he wouldn't. Don't worry about him. – Xena replied.<br>- What makes you so sure?  
>-I know him. And anyway he can't do anything that could fail our plans.<br>-Good. Then I think it's time for you to attack Rome.  
>- What's the plan? – Xena said with a smile. She longed for the moment when she would take over Rome.<br>-The army would split. One half will attack the main gates and the other will attack from behind.  
>-We'll surprise them.<br>-Exactly. – He said. – And when the time comes, my army will join. – He added.  
>-Why are you helping me? – She asked.<br>-Because I love you, Xena and I want you to be my warrior queen.  
>-Don't start acting like Borias. One fool in love is enough.<br>- Don't worry, Xena, my love for you is only in your favor.  
>-Okay, then. When should I attack?<br>-At midnight.  
>-That means I'll have to start preparations right away.<br>-Good. See you there. – Ares said and disappeared. Xena got out of the tent and called Dagnine.  
>-Prepare the army. We'll be attacking Rome tonight! – Xena said to him loudly.<br>-Yes, Xena! – Dagnine said and ran back to the army.  
>Xena had to prepare herself too, so she went to the tent with the weapons, where the strange woman was tied up. She entered and started looking at the weapons.<br>-You won't find what you're looking for. – The woman said.  
>-And how do you know what am I looking for? – Xena asked.<br>-Trust me, I know better than you do. – The woman replied. Xena stood there speechless for a moment then looked to the weapons and took a sword. – No, you won't kill me. – The woman said to her.  
>-How can you be sure? – Xena asked. She had no intention of killing the woman, at least not yet, but she wanted to give her a lesson. Xena didn't like the woman's confidence.<br>-I just know. – The woman said and smiled. No one has ever smiled that way to Xena. She was stunned. She stood there, staring into the woman for a few seconds, and then left the tent with the sword in her hand. She had to find Borias and tell him they were going to attack Rome. But where could Borias be? He wasn't in his tent, otherwise he would've known about the attack and if he knew, he would be around. But he was gone and there was no sign of him. Xena got on her horse – it was a dark brown horse, with white on its face and when she did that, she felt something wasn't right. She couldn't tell what it was, but there was something. Could it be connected with the strange woman? She didn't know. All she knew was she had to find Borias, so she headed to the nearest forest, hoping he'd be somewhere there. She thought he couldn't get much far on foot, she also knew he had the intention to come back sooner or later.  
>She searched for hours, until she found him sitting by a lake, throwing rocks at it. She got off her horse and went to him.<br>-What do you want now? – He asked.  
>- I just wanted to tell you we're attacking Rome. – Xena said to him.<br>- I'm not in the mood to fight.  
>- I see, but you've got to forget everything you feel and go there and fight. It's the only way.<br>-How? How could I forget you?  
>- That's your problem. Are you coming or not?<br>-Do I have a choice? – He said and they both got on the horse. Soon after, they were back. On the way nobody said a word.  
>When they got back, Xena went to the woman. She didn't know why she wanted to talk to her right in that moment, but she felt she had to. So she went to the tent, where the woman was.<br>- I told you this wasn't the weapon you are looking for. – The woman said when she saw Xena.  
>-I'm not here for a weapon. I came to talk to you. – Xena replied.<br>- I know.  
>-How? How do you know?<br>-I just know. And I know a lot more than you could imagine.  
>-What? What is it that you know? Tell me.<br>-It's real.  
>-What's real?<br>-Everything.  
>-I don't understand.<br>-Oh, yes, you do.  
>-I don't know what you're talking about.<br>-I'm talking about HER.  
>-HER?<br>-Her.  
>-Who's "her"?<br>-You know, the girl. The girl from your dreams.  
>-What about her?<br>-She is real. She exists.  
>-So? What does it all have to do with me?<br>-She needs you.  
>-For what?<br>-She needs you to find her.  
>-Me? You're kidding. I'm not the right person to save anyone. And I don't even know her.<br>-Oh, yes, you do. You know her better than anyone else and she knows you.  
>-But…I don't even know her name! – She said and the next moment she heard a voice shouting:<br>_-Gabrielleeeeeee!_ – But this voice was hers and she didn't hear it, she remembered it. It was in her head. She had shouted that name many times, but she didn't know where or when.  
>-Gabrielle! - She whispered.<br>-Yes, Gabrielle. – The woman said. – You've got to find her.  
>-No, I've got a battle to win and I don't care about that Gabrielle or whatever her name is. Find someone else to find her. I'm not going to be that person. – She said and left the tent.<p>

Now she was on her way, leading the army to Rome. She thought her chances to take over Rome were big enough, she also had Ares' help so victory was close. But she didn't care about that now. Even though she was on the way to war, all she kept thinking about was that woman and her words. Gabrielle, she had to find Gabrielle. But why? Why did SHE have to find her? She, the "destroyer of nations". Those thoughts kept torturing her mind all the way, but she didn't intent to leave her army and her plans, just to go and find some girl. Actually, who _was_ that Gabrielle? She didn't even know her. Then she remembered the voice she heard when talking to the woman. _Her_ voice. It was _her _voice, screaming Gabrielle's name. But that was all she could remember. In fact she wasn't sure if it was a memory at all or some kind of a dream. She tried to make herself believe it was a dream, but it sounded so real."What is all this? Why me?" she was asking herself. She tried to think about the upcoming battle, the battle she longed for too long. The moment, when she would have her revenge on Caesar. Now all this seemed so far away. Xena was confused. She remembered the scream again. She realized how much she wanted to know where it came from. But it was just a voice, a scream, a name. She closed her eyes, hoping she would see something more about it. But no, it was useless. She didn't get any picture or any other memory; she didn't even hear the scream again. There was a long way to Rome, so she decided that she'd close her eyes for a while and try to rest. No memories, no thoughts of the woman or Gabrielle, nothing.  
>It's been a few hours since Xena closed her eyes and now she had fallen asleep. Suddenly she heard a female voice say:<em>" We're going to be together…for eternity." <em>She woke up and looked around. She wasn't alone, but there were only her warriors around her. She supposed it was just another nightmare. She wanted to believe it was another meaningless nightmare. But it wasn't and she knew it. Deep inside she knew that it was another memory. But memory of what? How could she remember something that never happened? Where did those memories come from? What were they? And why were they haunting her? What were they trying to tell her? She didn't know.  
>-Are you alright? – She heard a voice next to her. She looked to see, that it was Borias.<br>-Yeah, I'm fine. – She said calmly.  
>-You look worried. – He said to her. – Is something bothering you?<br>-No, I'm fine. – She said to him, but she was lying and she knew it. She wasn't fine, but she thought that Borias wasn't the right person to talk to about her nightmares and voices. He'd have called her crazy and that wouldn't be of any help. But if not Borias, then who? Suddenly she realized that with so many people around her, she was all alone. She didn't have any friends, nobody to talk to. Then she realized that she had never felt the _need _to talk to anyone before, she didn't need any advices or help, except for when it came to fighting and taking over lands. For that she had Ares. Or he had her. Who could tell? The truth was that both of them were using each other in their own way. Yes, Ares might have loved Xena in his own strange god-of-war way, but that didn't mean she could count on him for anything, which didn't regard war.  
>She tried to drive away all those thoughts out of her head and concentrate on what she was up to now – taking over Rome and getting her revenge on Caesar. So she just closed her eyes, but this time she didn't hear or see anything. She just fell asleep, riding her horse to Rome.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
><strong>**The Dream Comes True  
><strong>

"_Assassination ...  
>Caesar's blood on your blade ...<br>this is you way of getting to him_."**  
><strong>_Crassus, „When In Rome…"_

-I see it! I see it! – Xena was awakened by Dagnine's voice. – We're almost there. – He shouted as she slowly started to understand what he was saying. She still felt sleepy, but the look of Rome's gates made her wake up for seconds. This was it. This was the big day when she was going to get her so longed revenge on Caesar. Suddenly something occurred to her. Something she forgot.  
>-The gates! – She said loudly. – How do we get through them?<br>-I thought you were leading this army, Xena, didn't you think about that? – Dagnine asked. Before she could answer, Ares showed up.  
>-There's no place for panic, everyone, since you've got me on your side. – He said.<br>-Ares, you said nothing about the gates. How are we going to get through them?  
>-Gates? What gates? – He asked ironically and snapped with his fingers. Suddenly the gates were gone.<br>Xena smiled, took out her sword and galloped to the hole, where once were the gates, shouting:  
>-Attaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! - The whole army followed her and they all went through the gates. – Kill everyone who stands in your way! – She said to them. – And if anyone sees Caesar, bring him to me! Alive!<br>Then the whole army spited. The Romans had seen them and were prepared for the battle. And so it began. The battle Xena had always dreamed of since the day Caesar betrayed her. Now she was killing Roman warriors one after another. Her sword was all covered with blood, but not a single drop of hers was spilled. She was doing good, pretty good. Until suddenly she heard a voice:  
>-<em>You've got to take me with you…teach me everything you know! <em>– It was that same voice again, it was again all in her head and this time she knew it. Still, it came so unexpected and distracted her for a few seconds, so one of the Roman warriors could wound her arm. It wasn't that bad after all; just a wound and she had had many like this before, so it didn't matter to her. Of course that wound was the last thing the warrior did to her or anyone else in his life, because Xena finished him off with the speed of light. She stabbed him with her sword before he even noticed. After that there was another one, and another one, and another one. They all fell dead on the ground, killed by her sword. She kept making her way through them and soon she was going to reach Caesar's castle. The main target. She was getting closer and closer, when all of a sudden she stopped feeling her legs and fell on the ground. Soon her whole body was paralyzed. She couldn't feel a thing.  
>Ares stood there, watching the battle. He was invisible. Soon his army was going to join from the East and the Romans would be outnumbered. For Rome it was going to be over. Suddenly he looked at Xena and saw she was lying there on the ground, defenseless. He took out his sword and got into the fight with the only purpose to defend her. He stood there, next to her body and killed everyone who was trying to attack her. For a moment he looked at her and saw that she was still breathing, but he couldn't do anything to help her and she just stayed there, helplessly. Suddenly a vision came to her.<br>_She was in a room, kneeling and in front of her there was this blonde girl.  
>-If I only have thirty seconds to live. – She was speaking to the girl.<br>-We're going to be together … for eternity. – The girl interrupted her. - You brought out the best in me.  
>-Gabrielle, this is how I want to live them, looking into your eyes. – She ended as did the vision.<em>

-Gabrielle… - she whispered.  
>Meanwhile a few Roman warriors were attacking and Ares was doing everything he could to stop them from hurting Xena. Unfortunately he couldn't handle all and one of them was about to stab her with his sword, when she suddenly took hers in hand and managed to fight off the strike. She got up and started running towards the upcoming warriors, killing them one by one. She was back to normal. Or she wasn't back to normal at all.<br>Now she knew. Now she knew why were all those nightmares and visions. She knew who the girl was and that changed her. The woman who was now fighting against the Roman army, making her way to Caesar's castle, wasn't the "destroyer of nations" anymore. It was another Xena, a lot wiser and a lot better one. A Xena, who had feelings, a Xena, who knew what love and friendship were. But that didn't change the situation. She was leading her army into a battle to take over Rome. And she still wanted it, even though now she did not care about the land or the Romans. All she cared about was one special Roman and that was Caesar. She still wanted her revenge and she was going to have it…soon.  
>The other half of the army, which was supposed to attack from the back, had already joined. Now Ares' army was coming from East and this was the big surprise for the Romans. Everything was going as planned. Rome was slowly being destroyed.<br>Xena had finally reached Caesar's castle. It looked empty, there weren't any guards, or there were, but earlier – now she had killed them all, along with the other Romans, while trying to get to the castle. In fact…how many were they? How many had she killed? Twenty…forty…? Much or less? She couldn't tell, no one could tell and she didn't care. Now she was at the opened gates of the castle. The gates looked as if somebody was waiting just for her to arrive. She made a few more steps closer to the gates and just then Ares showed up from behind. Xena turned to him before he even spoke. She didn't need any sign to know he was there. She could sense him and that's was really amazed him – he had no explanation about it.  
>- What do you want? – She asked him.<br>- Can't you be more talkative? - He asked with that same old irony in his voice.  
>-No, I'm in a kind of a hurry.<br>- I just wanted to know – He stared. – What happened to you back there at the battlefield?  
>-The truth is I don't know myself – I just fell there, paralyzed. I couldn't move. – She decided not to tell him about the vision she had, at least not yet. – And speaking of that, thanks for saving my life.<br>-It was the least I could do to prove how much you mean to me.  
>-Oh, Ares, please…<br>-Okay, okay, I'm not going to annoy you with my speeches of love, I'm not like that fool Borias.  
>As Ares was speaking of Borias, Xena thought about the fact, that she hadn't seen him since the battle begun. Where was he? Was he dead or alive? She couldn't tell. Suddenly she saw him, there, at the battlefield, with the sword in his hand, close to loss and death. He was badly hurt. Xena was confused. Should she have gone searching for Caesar at the castle, or should she have gone straight to the battlefield and save the life of the only person who really cared about her. She had no time to think so she just started running as fast as she could, right to the battlefield, right to Borias and the Roman who was going to kill him any minute now and soon she reached them. She stabbed the Roman's back with her sword and he fell down. Borias looked at him and then looked at Xena. He couldn't believe his eyes. He never expected to see her fighting for someone else's life, not even his. She never expected that too, but now things were different. She was different. Different than the woman, who led this army to Rome a couple of hours ago. But her goal was the same, so she looked back at the castle (Ares wasn't there anymore), then looked again at Borias and started running back to the castle. Borias stayed there, stunned of what had just happened. He was watching her running back to the castle and was wondering why, what made her do that.<br>Xena got back to the castle and entered it. Inside it was dark. It looked empty, abandoned. Still, something was telling Xena that Caesar was nowhere but there. She moved slowly, carefully, quietly, even though it was dark, there was enough daylight coming in, so Xena could see. She was in a big hall, that looked as something as a living room, but she didn't lose time looking around. She knew what she was looking for, actually _who_ she was looking for, and he definitely wasn't in this room. She looked left and saw a corridor. She had no idea where it leaded to, but she decided to give it a try. She walked about a minute and entered another room. This time it was almost completely dark and she could barely see anything. Suddenly she heard a voice:  
>-Hello, Xena. – It was the voice of a young man and it sounded senseless and cold. She recognized it immediately.<br>-Hello, Caesar. – She replied.  
>-It's been so long… - He said and lighted a candle. Now she could see him better, as he could see her. – You've changed, Xena. You've become even more beautiful.<br>-And you're still the same arrogant pig! – She said with disdain.  
>-Come on, Xena, I know our last meeting didn't go that well, but…<br>-You betrayed me! You broke my legs and you almost had me crucified!  
>-I know…and I made a mistake. – He said and got up from his throne. - But on the other hand I fulfilled my destiny. Look – all of this is mine! Rome is mine!<br>Xena looked around the room and said:  
>- Let's see a couple of naked statues, soon to be broken, a desk, where you write shit at and a throne, which is now just a pretty chair.<br>-All of Rome, Xena, all of Rome.  
>-But Rome's gone, Caesar, it's gone. I destroyed it with my army. – She said and looked him. – Well, yes, Ares helped a bit…actually <em>a lot<em>, but what's important is that your beloved Rome is gone.  
>Caesar was stunned. He couldn't believe Xena's words. He didn't want to believe. Rome. His Rome. It was gone. It had turned to ashes.<br>-That is impossible. – He said slowly and quietly.  
>-Do you think so? Go and see it yourself!<br>Caesar pulled the curtains of a window and looked through it. He couldn't believe his eyes. Everything outside was either burning or was already burned out. There were corpses everywhere and they all were of Roman warriors. But the battle wasn't over – there were still people fighting out there, even though the end could be seen. Soon. Soon everything was going to be over.  
>He looked at her, but remained silent. He had nothing to say. Everything he loved and had fought for was now being destroyed by her. But it was all his fault and he knew it. That was what hurt him most. And that's what she wanted. To see him suffer, like he made her suffer years ago. She realized that making him suffer that way was better than seeing him dead. And then she started thinking. She had a choice. To let him live with the thought that everything he loved was gone, or to end his fucking life right there. Then she thought about Gabrielle. What would Gabrielle say about it? Yes, she would definitely choose to let him live. That decision was both merciful and sadistic. She could have mercy on his life but the same time she would doom him to live with the thought that he lost everything he had. Than she thought about killing him right away. Now, what would Gabrielle say about that? Yeah, she would definitely not like it, but Xena believed it was the right way. She had killed so many people before, one more or one less wouldn't matter, but would she be able to forgive herself and live with the thought that she had Caesar, the person who had hurt her so much, in her hands and she had let him live? No, the answer was no. Negative. So she raised her sword at the level of his throat.<br>-Now what? Are you going to kill me?  
>-Do you think I would leave you alive after all?<br>-Xena, listen…  
>-Shut up! Or I'll make your death more painful than you could ever imagine… - She said with a threatening voice. – All those years I've waited for this moment. Your time has come, Caesar. Everything is over. Rome is gone. And you'll be gone too. – She ended, then lowered her sword to the level of his heart and stabbed him. A few seconds after, he fell lifeless on the floor. Xena felt relieved. It was over. It was really over. Xena pulled out her sword from Caesar's dead body. It was all covered with his blood. Then she gave him one last look and walked away.<br>Now Xena was outside. The battle was at its end – the last few Roman warriors were running away. Suddenly Ares showed up.  
>-We won! – He said with his usual voice, filled with irony. – Good job, Xena. But aren't you happy?<br>-No, Ares.  
>-Wait, wait, wait a minute! Wasn't Rome what you always wanted?<br>-No, what I always wanted was Caesar's blood on my sword. Now I got that and I don't give a damn about Rome or any other land on Earth.  
>-But…didn't you want to rule the world?<br>-That was Caesar's dream; it was also mine until some time ago, but now… Now I'm different. I'm not the Xena you know, Ares. I've changed.  
>-And when did that happen? Because I didn't notice.<br>-At the battlefield. I realized I'm going the wrong way.  
>- Xena, what the hell has happened to you?<br>- I saw the truth, Ares. Now I'm changed, reborn and you've got to accept that. – Suddenly she saw Borias a few meters away. She ran to him.  
>-We won, Xena! Half of the army is dead, but we won!<br>-You're badly hurt.  
>-I was going to be dead if you didn't save my life.<br>-I know. That's why I did it.  
>-I thought you didn't care about anyone else but yourself.<br>-I didn't. But now I do.  
>-Just like that, all of a sudden?<br>- Something happened to me during the battle. It changed me. I realized that the path I've taken is wrong.  
>-I was starting to think you'd never realize that.<br>-You knew I was wrong and still stood beside me. Why?  
>-To protect you from yourself. I love you, Xena and now that you've changed…maybe we could…<br>-No, Borias. – She interrupted him. – I've got other plans. – She said and started walking away.  
>-Where are you going? – He shouted after her.<br>-I'm going to find my destiny, a better Xena…and someone to show me the way. – She said loudly and kept running.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4****  
><strong>**So Close, But Yet So Far**

„_My pride may have killed my best friend."  
>Xena, "Is There A Doctor In The House?"<em>

Xena was now on her horse, riding through Rome. She didn't know where she was going. She wanted to find Gabrielle, but she had no idea where Gabrielle could be. Her memories weren't fully recovered, so now all she remembered was that moment, when Gabrielle was sitting in front of her. The moment she had remembered, when she was lying there, on the ground in the middle of the battlefield, all paralyzed. Then she thought…was that what gave her the strength to stand up and continue fighting? She didn't know. She was confused, but she felt she had to find Gabrielle, she felt like Gabrielle was a part of her, even though she never even met her. But hasn't she met her? Then where did these memories come from? Could it be that her brain was just playing tricks on her? So many questions and not a single answer. Oh, and that woman, that strange young woman. She talked as she knew something more, something Xena didn't. For a moment she thought she'd just give up and get back to her life as a warrior. But was that possible?  
>She was looking around. All her blue eyes could see were only burned down houses, dead people on the ground and innocent villagers running around, crying for their sons and daughters, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers they've lost.<br>-Oh, God, what have I done? - Xena said very quietly and her eyes filled with tears. But that wasn't the right question – burning down towns and villages and killing innocent people was something normal for her - something like an everyday's work and she never blamed herself, she never felt guilt…until now. Today seemed different. Not because it was Rome, or that the people were different – no, that wasn't the situation. It was her. This was the day when Xena, the Warrior Princess had changed forever. The old Xena everyone knew and feared had died sometime during the battle. No, not sometime, not anytime, but exactly when she fell down feeling nothing, exactly when she had the vision of her and Gabrielle. Now _that_ was when Xena changed. But why? Why did it happen like that? This was one of the million questions she didn't have an answer to and didn't know if she would ever find out.  
>Suddenly she saw a familiar face. It was her, the strange woman. Xena didn't know how did the woman got here. She thought she had left her there, at the camp, tied up in the tent where they held the weapons. But there she was now, all dressed in black. Her hair was covered with a silk black scarf. She looked as if she'd been at a burial. Her face was all covered with tears. Yes, she was crying.<br>Xena got off her horse and walked to the woman. When she saw her, the woman said:  
>- How could you, Xena? You've no idea what you've done. – The woman said reproachfully. Her voice was filled grief.<br>- I know what I did. – Xena replied. – I burned down Rome and killed Caesar. – She started crying, not for Caesar, but for all the innocent people she had killed once again. – And I'm definitely not proud of it.  
>- That's not all.<br>- What do you mean?  
>-Xena, there are a lot of things you don't know.<br>-Yes, I know that. So that's why you're going to tell me everything you know. Everything! Right now, in this very moment! – Xena said firmly, almost threateningly, as if she was ready to kill her if there wasn't any other way to make that woman talk.  
>-Listen, it's…complicated, but what you have to know is, that what you're looking for might be already dead. – The woman said quietly, as she looked down. – And if it is, then it would be all your fault. – She continued as she looked up, right in Xena's blue eyes.<br>-I don't understand, what are you talking about?  
>The woman looked away again. Xena could see the grief in her big green eyes. Then she finally spoke:<br>-You might've lost what you value most.  
>-But…I'm a warrior, by the Gods! I value only victory.<br>-Do you?  
>-No, I don't…not anymore.<br>-Xena, you're not who you were a while ago.  
>-I know. – Xena said and looked down. She felt ashamed of who she was.<br>-Now you're who you should be.  
>-Am I? – She asked with hope. – But...why is all this happening to me? I don't understand anything. – She said and now her voice was filled with despair.<br>- You've gone the wrong way. But it's not only you, something bigger has gone wrong and it's up to you to get your life back to normal, as it should be.  
>-What should I do?<br>-First of all, you've got to find Gabrielle…if she's still alive.  
>-What do you mean?<br>-Xena, Gabrielle lived _here_, in Rome and you just burned it down, killing so many people.  
>That came as a shock to Xena. She opened her mouth to say something, but didn't know what to say… Could her army <em>really<em> have killed Gabrielle? And if so, then what? After all she didn't know Gabrielle…at least… not personally. What if Gabrielle actually never existed? What if she was only a trick of her mind? What if the woman herself is just a trick of her mind? What is she was just going insane? Also, the fact that she had changed… It all started to make sense. But no, something was telling her, that Gabrielle _existed _and this same thing was also telling her that she was out there, _alive_…or she was just trying to make herself believe that. At the end she didn't know what to believe, she was more confused than ever and her head was a chaos. All she managed to realize was the fact, that if Gabrielle was dead (if she existed at all), her death wouldn't be Xena's fault. After all, how could she know, how could she _suppose_ that Gabrielle might be around? Then she finally spoke:  
>-Why didn't you tell me? How could I know?<br>-Xena, if I had told you everything right away, you wouldn't have believed me.  
>There was a moment, or two, of silence but after that Xena spoke:<br>-So, what should I do now? Get back to what I was before?  
>-Yes, Xena, you have to become what you were before, not the Xena that used to destroy lands and kill people, but the Xena you were before that.<br>-Before that? But…that's what I've always been doing.  
>-No, Xena, it's not.<br>-I don't understand.  
>-You'll have to find out yourself.<br>-But…I don't know where to start.  
>-Your heart would tell you that. Listen to your heart, Xena. This is the way. – The woman said and turned her back on Xena. She started to walk away.<br>-Hey, wait! – Xena shouted after her. – You're not going to leave me alone to deal with this, are you?  
>-If you need someone to guide you, that's not me. – The woman said without turning back. After a while she was gone. It was like she just disappeared. Xena thought that she might have actually disappeared – after all, she had freed herself and gotten to Rome, which was unexplainable too.<br>Now Xena was all alone (if we don't count the horse). She had no direction, no clue what to do. Suddenly she heard a voice:  
>-<em>You've changed, Xena. Like this valley. Once it was a place full of death and violence. But now it's full of beauty and life. The same kind of change has happened to you.<br>_It was all in her head again and she knew that perfectly. But was it a memory? It sounded so…right. Has she changed before? Has she gone through that? When? Why couldn't she remember?  
>As she was standing there, trying to figure out what to do, she saw another familiar face. This time she couldn't tell where had she seen it, but she was sure she had. It was a blonde girl, or better say a woman, a young woman. Looking at her clothes, Xena could say she was a peasant, but that wasn't the most important thing. What worried her most was that this woman looked very upset, actually she was crying. Xena supposed that she was looking for someone, maybe someone she loved, someone who might have already been dead, killed by the hand of one of Xena's warriors…or by Xena herself? No, Xena remembered that she didn't kill any villagers – she fought only Caesar's army in order to get to him. But what if the person, the girl was looking for, was actually one of Caesar's army? Some warriors have families too. After these thoughts, Xena asked herself:<br>-But why do I care so much? – And then she remembered. Yes, she remembered. That blonde over there, she looked exactly like the woman from her dreams (or better say memories?), she looked like Gabrielle. But was it really her? Could it really be her? Could Gabrielle really exist? And could she be alive after all? There was only one way for Xena to find out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5  
><strong>**Lies That Protect**

_"No, no look, you promise me.  
>If something happens to me, you will not become a monster."<br>Gabrielle, "Callisto"_

Xena stood there, watching the poor woman (Gabrielle?). The woman hadn't noticed Xena's presence, neither the fact that she was looking at her. Xena knew that the less important thing to that woman was if someone was watching her or not. She knew she had to do something, but then she thought that she couldn't just go to the woman and say "Hi, is your name Gabrielle?" – It would have sounded silly and if the answer was positive, then it would be followed by hundreds of questions, most of which Xena couldn't answer herself. She needed to think of something. A plan. No, not a plan…actually…yes, a plan, no matter how inappropriate that word sounded. But before she was able to think of anything, she saw that the woman was now crying and screaming over a dead body. It seemed she had found whoever she was looking for…but that one seemed too dead. And it was Xena's fault. All Xena's fault. She blamed herself for that, as she blamed herself for any other dead body on that ground. But now she had to concentrate. She had to find out if that woman there was Gabrielle…or not. Actually…what if it wasn't Gabrielle? No, it _had_ to be Gabrielle. If she existed at all, it had to be her – the woman had said that she lived here, in Rome. There couldn't exist two women, looking exactly like each other, living in the same place…Could there? No, no, no, that would be a too big coincidence. Gabrielle, or not, Xena had to find out, so she went to her.  
>-Can I help you? – Xena asked.<br>-They…they…they killed my husband, Nicholas! – The crying woman finally managed to answer. – It was that bitch Xena and her army – they attacked us and killed almost everyone! – The woman said. So much hate could be felt in her words. Xena shivered, hearing these words. Of course few were the people who knew how Xena looked (the others were dead), so the woman couldn't recognize her.  
>-I…I'm sorry. – Xena said and hugged the woman. In that moment she felt her as a close friend. She was sorry for her loss and for the fact, that it was all her fault.<br>-Thank you. – The woman said. She had calmed down a bit, but was still crying. – My…my name is Gabrielle. – She said and Xena was stunned. So after all, Gabrielle existed. The girl from her dreams (or memories?) was real and she had finally found her.  
>-My name is… - Xena started, but then she thought that telling her real name to Gabrielle would not make Gabrielle like her a lot. -… Veronica.<br>-Nice to meet you, Veronica. – Gabrielle said. She had stopped crying. Meeting Xena…or better say Veronica, made her cheer up. She couldn't tell why. Maybe somehow she felt close to her.  
>As for Xena, she was upset, because the things had to go this way. Now she'd have to lie to Gabrielle. For how long? She had no idea. All she knew was that someday she would have to tell Gabrielle the truth, but not now, not yet. No, definitely not now. It wasn't the moment – she needed more time to gain Gabrielle's trust and become closer to her. Maybe then Gabrielle would be able to forgive her. If not, there was nothing Xena could do about it.<br>-Nice to meet you too. – Xena replied with a smile. Then Gabrielle looked at the body of her dead husband and burst into tears again. – I know how you feel, Gabrielle. But your tears won't bring him back. You've got to stand up and be strong, to keep living and find happiness again. I'm sure that's what he would want you to do.  
>-Thank you, Veronica. – Gabrielle said and looked her. She realized that she had no one…except for Veronica. Now she was her only friend. But if only she knew who Veronica was in fact…<br>Xena also had no one except for Gabrielle. Borias, Dagnine and the army had been long gone and she didn't know if she would see anyone of them again. Not that she missed them anyway. She remembered Borias…she owned him an apologize. For everything. Even though saving his life might have been equal to that.  
>-So, what do we do now? – Xena asked after she saw that Gabrielle had stopped crying.<br>-Well, I don't know… My husband's dead, my house burned out… I don't know. I've got nothing to keep me here.  
>- I think you should start a new life. That's what I did.<br>- Your loved ones have also been killed?  
>-No, no, at least…not now. That was long ago.<br>-Then what is it?  
>-Well, let's say that I just woke up one morning and realized I was a different person, than who I was before and I needed to change my life. That's how I got here.<br>-Sounds fun. Your life must be full of adventure.  
>-Kind of.<br>-I've always thought I was born for adventure, but instead I got married and lived a peaceful life…until today.  
>These words brought Xena a memory, a memory she had already remembered, but this time it was longer:<br>_They were in a room. Xena and Gabrielle and nobody else. Gabrielle was begging her:  
>You've got to take me with you…teach me everything you know. You can't leave me here in Poteidaia. I wanna go with you. I've studied the stars... spoken with philosophers... and I have the gift of prophecy. I can be very valuable to you. Take me with you. I want so much to be like you.<br>_-And I want to be like you. – Xena said quietly, without even noticing.  
>-What did you say, Veronica?<br>-Eh…I asked why didn't you follow your heart?  
>-I did. I loved my husband. That's why I married him. But…now he's gone. And all I can do is to take the life of the woman who took his. I'll kill Xena, Veronica, I'll find her and I'll kill her!<br>-How do you know it was she who killed him? It might have been a man of her army.  
>-Yes, but it's her fault, Veronica. And I'm going to kill her for that. Are you going to help me or not?<br>-Gabrielle, revenge is not going to get him back, but if that would make you feel better…Okay.  
>Xena couldn't believe it. Now she was with Gabrielle and they were going to kill…her! It sounded so… strange, ironic…maybe even tragic… She couldn't find the right words to describe it, but she knew it was no good. She didn't fear Gabrielle, she feared <em>losing<em> her…and that was also strange, because she had known her for…half an hour?  
>-Thank you, Veronica, for everything.<br>They started walking in an unknown direction. Neither of them knew where they were going, but they kept on walking and walking, and walking.  
>Xena was hoping that Gabrielle wasn't serious when she said she'd find her and kill her and she tried to make herself believe that. But what if Gabrielle really intended to do that? She would have to tell her the truth sooner or later, but if what Gabrielle had said was true, then she didn't have much time. For a moment she thought that she might just walk away while Gabrielle was sleeping and give it up, but she also knew that she didn't want to. No, she didn't want to give up on Gabrielle. Gabrielle was all she had now and she was all Gabrielle had.<br>It was getting dark. The two were still walking. Now they were out of Rome...Rome, or what was left of it, was far behind. Xena hoped that she could do the same with her past. To put it far behind, to forget about it. But she knew, that there would always be something to remind her of the horrible person she was. Now this something was Gabrielle. Every time she looked at her, Xena felt guilt. That got back the thought of leaving without Gabrielle noticing. On the other hand, she thought, that this would hurt Gabrielle too. Xena…okay, okay, _Veronica_ was everything Gabrielle had now. She didn't want to leave her all alone. It would be too unfair.  
>Now they were in a forest. It was night already, completely dark. Only the moon was shining and that's what allowed them to keep walking without having intimate contact with trees or rocks and whatever else they could run into.<br>-Veronica…?  
>-Yes, Gabrielle?<br>-How long are we going to keep on walking? And…where are we going to sleep? – Gabrielle asked. Xena could notice she was worried, probably even scared. Gabrielle wasn't used to traveling, sleeping in the woods and all those things, which were typical for Xena's life – she was used to the peaceful life she was having with her husband and all this was now new to her.  
>-We could stop walking, if you want and we could stay here for the night. – Xena answered.<br>-Here? Right here? In these dark woods? – Gabrielle asked surprised, almost horrified.  
>-Don't worry, Gabrielle. We'll be fine. – Xena replied with a smile.<br>- But…but…but what if someone attacks us?  
>-If someone attacks us, he'll be very sorry about it. – Xena said and took out her sword. – See this?<br>Gabrielle was surprised. Xena wasn't hiding her sword, but Gabrielle hadn't noticed it. And Xena…now she was unsure. She knew that after showing her sword, Gabrielle might ask her some questions, which would make her tell more and more lies. She didn't like that, but she knew she had no choice. Actually she had a choice, but this was the best she could do, she felt like it was…well, not exactly the right way, but compared to the others, it was better.  
>-Where did you get that, Veronica? At the battlefield?<br>-No, I've had it for a long time. Now let's make a fire.  
>-So, we're really going to stay here for the night? – Gabrielle asked, as Xena was collecting woods for the fire.<br>-Yeah, we are. But don't worry. You're safe with me. – Xena said and gave Gabrielle a warm smile. That made Gabrielle calm down and fell safe.  
>Xena managed to make a fire and now the two were sitting close to it.<br>-So, tell me, Veronica, what were you doing before you got in Rome?  
>-Well, I told you – I needed a change, so I got on my horse and…travelled around, trying to find the place where I belong. That's how I got to Rome. And then I met you.<br>-No, no, you already told me that, but I want to know what you were doing, what was your life like, before you felt the need for a change.  
>Now that was a good question and unfortunately Xena had no answer. She wanted to tell Gabrielle about her past, but she knew she couldn't, she shouldn't.<br>-Well, I… - She had to think of something and she had to do it _**FAST**_! – I lived in a small village, alone. My parents died when I was 15 years old and since then I'm on my own.  
>-Were you working?<br>-Of course. I used to work at the local pub. I had a lot of work, but the payment was too small. Still, it was enough to me.  
>-It wasn't easy, was it?<br>-No, it wasn't, but that's not the reason I left. I just wasn't happy. I felt that there was something missing in my life.  
>-And what was that?<br>-That's what I'm trying to find out.  
>One after another, the lies were getting more and more, all forming one big lie. Xena felt like she had created another past of herself, or even another Xena. No, that wasn't even Xena, it was another person, it was Veronica.<p> 


End file.
